Forever 💫

Forever

10/22/2016
8:38 PM

Wonder Women 👸  (6 members)

Ciara:    When are you free ?

Aliyah:  I am free this whole weekend. Ciara will you be able to fly ? Its new year 🎉 .

Hannah:Girls I really want this new year to be ours . I will do anything for that. Lets make our plan work. 😐

Tamina : I have booked the tickets. It costed me a fortune to get the ticket for next weekend. And where is Diana ?

Diana remained silent as the discussion on the group chat went on, reading them. Her heart was beating louder and happier . The girls are planning to meet for the new year for spending three days together. Nobody has met each other for past five years after high school but often texted messages and making calls keeping in touch.

Diana  : Am here and I am very excited !  I will make the days free ofcourse. Infact I am not very much a social type now 😄  so I am totally free half the time except work 😉 .

Diana replied in the group. Aliyah now work and live in Scotland as a lawyer. And Tamina fashion designer as she had always dreamt of in Los Angeles . Ciara in Paris who unexpectedly turned out to be the model.  Hannah  still live in London working as an assistant in a private company and meet Diana once a while for luncheons.  Diana is a copy editor in London's one of the most renowned publishing company.

Hannah: Hurray ! So we are meeting then finally. ❤

Aliyah :   Looks like that. yes 😍.

Hannah: Ciara you still haven't said anything except for asking whether we are all free. Hello..?

Ciara has totally gone out of hands as she entered a career she never even thought of.

Diana   : Ciara please don't make it like the last two times. We postponed every meeting we ever planned just for you to come so that we can be together like our old days.

Tamina: Yes Ciara she is right. Hold your ramp walks for three days. Any way you are gonna get drunk as fuck attending parties so do it with us.

Ciara     : Okay okay I promise I will be there. Trust me .😉

Hannah: Ok then so its all set. We ' LL all stay at Diana's place what say . She has good space . Diana can we?

Diana    : Why not! sure. my place and so we meet. Girls Thursday night  until Monday morning. Be there .

Aliyah   : Well then.

Tamina : So Thursday it is 😊

Ciara.    : See you all then. Waiting for Thursday . Spa time , bye. 😘

Hannah: Bye

Tamina:  Bye

Aliyah  : Ok bye. Tc.😊

The group went dead in the matter of seconds.

But there were no messages from the sixth member. There has been no messages at all for past five years. Melanie remained to be to silent member forever. Diana went to her store room taking a box that contained her high school and their group things .

Diana , Hannah , Melanie , Ciara , Aliyah and Tamina met when they were in middle school. Ever since then they were best friends. They never sit apart without each other for a day. Half the nights they had sleep overs , mostly in Diana's , Hannah's or Melanie's place.  Even when they were together they had different dreams and aims in life. They all again joined the high school together.

Most of the times people were jealous of them. They were not plastics but stars. Almost everybody knew how each girls meant to each other .

All the families were close . The girls had their freedom for everything . They often went out got late hanging out together with their dates but nothing was an issue. Diana always remained to be the silent and single among them . Ciara and Aliyah the loudest. Melanie was very similar and close to Diana and Ciara . Hannah was the funniest and Tamina the hot kind who had a hot boy friend an now engaged to the same person. Ciara was the dating queen and the one who often influenced Hannah in the habit. Melanie was the darling of the group.

Diana and Hannah had similar interest in studies avoiding the science stream. Diana was always made fun of by the girls for having a crush on a guy in her history class. He had always tried to put a script on her attempting to flirt and take her out. Aliyah was like a book worm and very dedicated to reading books related to laws and crimes. Tamina always had a good fashion sense and Melanie was good in caricatures. Ciara had the habits of breaking rules and introduced everyone to their first beers . Life was so much adventurous and fun until one night in senior year.

Nobody knew that Melanie was going in the wrong path. Many a time she was found hanging around with the other weird groups in school. But nobody dared to question. She was too sensitive that everybody let her make her choices. It was winter. Usually the girls had sleep overs before Christmas but that year they didn't. After the movie on Saturday evening the girl bid good byes but little did they knew that it is going to be the end.

By ten in the morning next day there was a call at everybody's house to go to the hospital immediately. The bad news awaited them there that changed their lives forever. Melanie's body was taken to morgue to do autopsy. The girls stood shocked. They weren't informed what the matter was. Diana and Ciara were the deeply effected ones. Melanie never woke up after going to bed previous night. It was found that she over dosed on some drug  injected and also found alcohol content in the blood .

The funeral got over with shock and terror . The whole school attended the ceremony. The reason was kept silent and spread she had an unexpected silent attack in her sleep. The girls were questioned and tested by their families. The loss of Melanie, the only child made her mom lose her mind and her father blaming the rest of the girls for making his daughter an addict. Ciara was the one who was blamed the most because of her naughtiness. The families started having conflicts and clashes. The girls started having fights and ego between each other manipulated by their parents. They split and chased their dreams going away from each other flying to other countries for pursuing their careers.


There were no calls or meeting for past five years after Melanie left leaving a zillion memories behind. Even she wouldn't have thought that she would die sooner and see the group shattering into pieces.

Tears prickles down Diana's eyes as she went through her high school stuffs and thoughts. Nobody had cared to do anything after that. The bond was broken. Diana never made best friends in her life after school because of her fear. Nobody had contacts until Tamina messaged in their group that she is engaged the next minute she got engaged. It was then the group started to be active.  Even when they cared so much for each other but their ego never let them call the other first except for Diana and Hannah who met sometimes and updated with news.

Five years had gone by and no changes on how they behave or love each other but there has formed a distance that cannot be explained. Diana turned out to be an introvert, still in love with the same guy In the history class whose eyes seems to be blind and  unaware of her existence.   Ciara who now consume more alcohol always partying and less louder.  Aliyah still remains the same greedy and ambitious while Hannah's marriage broke because of the young mistake she made marrying earlier after high school which no one attended except Diana who was left with no choice but see her friend marry a womanizer. And last Tamina who leads a successful life happily.

"May be this meeting will change everything"
Diana said looking at their photographs."  It should. You may have left us Melanie but not from our hearts , nothing will be the same without you but we will try to make a difference this time" . She hanged the photo back in the wall and started preparing for the new year.



                           


                              ********

Penniless Dreams

Penniless Dreams

10/15/2016
7:23 PM

A Page From The Diary Of A Girl


I always ask god why he has not given me a normal a life like other people. Whether it is the fate or the curse that is following us.

My name is Susan. I have this habit of writing journals. I like thorns over petals and peppers over ice cream. I have Mom, Dad, my two elder siblings  Teresa and Tom . We live in a cabin that we have been able to afford with the couple of years savings. I have another sister Emily or should I say had until she married a filthy rich man , her boss who ordered never to look back  nor reach out for the family . Emily being obedient to him left us forever . We led a very normal life sufficiently and happily once. Emily was mom's favorite. Since she is the eldest of us mom and dad saw the future of the whole family and leaped out for the sun for her . Giving her all the facilities and stuffs , education, cool wardrobe and everything. They never realized that she would be a thick hearted girl and would abandon the family so easily. All of us always adored Emily but now..

Mom was in her senior year in high school when she married dad. He was in college. It was actually an arranged marriage to say because both families were friends for so long and their grand parents wanted to make a family alliance before they closed their eyes and marriage happened that way. Very unusual in this century for something to happen like this. Soon  both of them dropped out of their education when Emily happened to them. Both of them couldn't get a decent job for a long time because of the trouble with the certificates. But somehow managed to tie the end every month.

Mom and dad are two extremes . To say in short they never should have married each other  . Their seems to based on a Zero-Romance Package. One say black when the other opinion white. So opposite that they don't share a single similar thing. Misunderstanding and fight is what always happens at this place called home. But they don't wanna get divorced too for the sake of us. They believe every child should grow up with his father and mother when they are alive and well.

I always wish I was never born. Dad is unemployed and old. Mom helpless . There are no much of a family connections now. We live now with Teresa's part time job after her college. She managed to get a full scholarship. Tom work too for his pocket money to survive among his peers. We struggle to have decent meals three times a day now. We had a beautiful house here . It was the time of peace and happiness in the family. Dad lost it to the bank not able to pay the loan taken to conduct Emily's marriage . Her day of marriage was the last day we saw her after all the luxurious accommodations and fun which we never knew would be our family's last day of happiness that was even borrowed. We couldn't afford the rent so we shifted and shifted all the time from place to place. Now with two years of saving Dad bought the cabin so that we need not waste bucks over rents. Buying stuffs are way too in distance for us. I now use Teresa's clothes were she use Emily's clothes which
 she left behind.

Tom's and my high school education is now supported by my dad's sister. She pays all the fees and send us some funds every month to meet the school needs. But nobody knows it in the school. Tom , Teresa and I have put up an entirely different faces out in the public. That should say what people think of us.

I had dreams of buying cute clothes like my friends . I had dreams of going out with friends for dinners and movies . I had dreams to go on a date , to fall in love. I have dreams to look after my parents with all the facilities. But that will all just remain as dreams because I know my family and I cannot afford to hurt them forcing my reckless dreams on them. These dreams feels so far that its now too faded and hardly possible. I do sometimes feel so much pain that i cannot be like  normal teenagers and have normal parents who love each other and understand each other. I often hate life so much. Only if the house wasn't taken away because of Emily  , only if my parents had the sense that there are other children in the family , only if they stood together and fought forward things would have been different for all of us.

I have lost faith in marriages and love because of what life has taught me. I feel now life is a game that I , we are destined to lose.

But still i keep high hopes that some day some miracle would happen for all of us inside me. I have lost my childhood to something that was nobody's fault because nothing was done in proper conscious .
God isn't this enough already?
Probably this would be my last journal. Until I collect some Penny and save to buy a new book to write which may take another year.

Poverty is the meanest thing that could happen to anyone. But I thank god that at least we are better than some people who are literally helplessly all around the world. Save Us.

3. Lyrics 😊 #Closer !

Verse 1: Andrew Taggart]
Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you
I drank too much and that's an issue but I'm okay
Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them
But I hope I never see them again

[Pre-Chorus: Andrew Taggart]
I know it breaks your heart
Moved to the city in a broke down car and
Four years, no calls
Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar and
I can't stop
No, I can't stop
[Chorus: Andrew Taggart]
So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of the mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older

[Post-Chorus: Andrew Taggart - Instrumental]
We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older

[Verse 2: Halsey]
You, look as the good as the day as I met you
I forget just why I left you, I was insane
Stay, and play that Blink-182 song
That we beat to death in Tuscon, okay

[Pre-Chorus: Halsey]
I know it breaks your heart
I moved to the city in a broke down car and
Four years, no calls
Now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar and
I can't stop
No, I can't stop

[Chorus: Andrew Taggart & Halsey]
So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of the mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older

[Post-Chorus: Andrew Taggart & Halsey - Instrumental]
We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older

[Chorus: Andrew Taggart & Halsey]
So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of the mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older (we ain't ever getting older)
We ain't ever getting older (we ain't ever getting older)
We ain't ever getting older (we ain't ever getting older)
We ain't ever getting older

We ain't ever getting older
No we ain't ever getting older.

Lyric Of Another Favorite Song 😉😄

[Charlie Puth:]
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Like we used to do...

I just heard you found the one you've been looking
You've been looking for
I wish I would have known that wasn't me
Cause even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily

Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame

That we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Like we used to do

[Selena Gomez:]
I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

Don't wanna know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight the way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame

[Charlie Puth & Selena Gomez:]
That we don't talk anymore
(We don't we don't)
We don't talk anymore
(We don't we don't)
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don't love anymore
(We don't we don't)
What was all of it for?
(We don't we don't)
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
Like we used to do

Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's giving it to you just right
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame

That we don't talk anymore
(We don't we don't)
We don't talk anymore
(We don't we don't)
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don't love anymore
(We don't we don't)
What was all of it for?
(We don't we don't)
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Like we used to do

(We don't talk anymore)
Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight (Oh)
If he's holding onto you so tight (Oh)
The way I did before
(We don't talk anymore)
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game (Oh)
Now I can't get you out of my brain (Woah)
Oh, it's such a shame

That we don't talk anymore

Like The Ocean

Like The Ocean

10/7/2016
11:22 AM

Ocean is truly a magical creation of god. It can be calm and ferocious. It spreads joy and happiness. It gives you pain and sense of lost. It give you the feeling of endlessness. It guides you to shores , your destiny and it takes away your life .

Everybody said my mother died giving birth to me . Ever since then papa's family considered me as a curse and a girl who brings bad luck. But papa loves me more than he loves my sister because he believes that I am the reason he have all his fortunes.

Papa said my mother died because he couldn't take her to the hospital in the town.It was the time of depression in our village where nobody had a job, a good shelter nor good meals three times a day. So my mother was weak and died.  Living in the village sometimes is a curse. You don't have a good health center or school or anything apart from the nature's beauty. I have been to town only once and it was worth one year in the village. Our village is in a coastal area. Papa is the richest man there . He owns eight boats and rent them to fishermen and other people with needs. We have a two storied house at the one end of the village close to sea where nobody much comes.

Superstitions still have its deep roots in our villagers mind. And women are still inferior to men. So one way our village is a sexist village. We don't get education after the age of 12 . Most of the girls are sold in the name of marriage by the age of 14 . There is no place for love or freedom but restrictions and caging.

My sister got married when she was only 13 because my father had thought then that he is going to die without getting his daughters married and see his grand children believing in the words of an astrologer. Lucky I am he kept me home till I was 18. That is a huge leap of progress in our village. My papa was constantly blamed for keeping me home this long. But papa has no one else to look after him and so he kept me close with him. He let me complete tenth grade and that made me look like a scholar in the village.

There were coastguards coming often in our area.That changed my life forever. One afternoon papa brought them home for lunch when they got to the shore ,being a elderly person in the village . They were all good people and one among them there was an Anglo-Indian. He said his mother is Indian and father French. Surely he must be like his father with all those charming looks . Papa never knew that I am talking with this coastguard man . He was only 22 .

Papa often went to town and stayed for a day or two trusting and leaving me alone here. One day he came back with a proposal . A man of 30, his new business friend had showed an interest in me it seemed he Said.

But I was already in too deep. I denied in all the way I could. But it made my father broken. My sister and her husband started to involve and advice me in this matter . "You're are 20. If you don't marry now you are going to die as an old maid. " brother- in-law said.

I forcefully got married. My family sold me to another man ten years older than me and an empty heart  in town.But they never knew that I sold my heart and my virtue to my only love.  Everything month papa went to town he came home and we would spend really intimate times together. He always brought me gifts which was all safely hidden. Since there is no houses around ours nobody had seen him coming or leaving for all this one year. He took me to places I have never been before. And papa never knew. I couldn't distinguish between right or wrong nor share my feelings and thoughts with any else. May be if only my mother was alive she could have advised me on matters..

My husband have the house like the one I have back in village.. The only thing that keeps me going is the town. He takes me to new places and buy me things every time we go out but it was not because he loves me but only to keep me live with him. He never says any beautiful words nor any sweet things except when has need with me at nights . He has no family. I am his only family and this sympathy for him made me live with him than the things he buys me.


After an year of doll life in town , I met my long lost love in the streets still looking same young and handsome where I in the disguise of a married woman. Lucky I was alone . I spent my whole day with him in his hotel room . He said he quit coastguard job after I left the village and Went back to his father's place and has now come here for visiting a friend. When I woke up with hopes to never go back but live with him forever afraid of losing again I found something glistening in his finger on his right hand as he slept. A ring. My hopes streamed down along with my tears. I silently left the room with a thousand splendid memories to live with further.

I knew what it meant. I felt ashamed of myself. My heart lender doesn't belong to me anymore. May be I should have given a thought to this very earlier. I loved him and he said he loved me back too but he never said he would Marry me or take me with him. There were no promises but only  carnal pleasure for him or may be to be very appropriate carnal abuse since I was hardly 19 when I met him. I cried that whole night deciding to start a new life with my husband . I cried expecting to be consoled by him but instead he asked me to go away finish weeping and come back. That cold rejection hurt like a deep wound cut again.

I feel ashamed. Why couldn't I be a good daughter and a good wife. Have I not cheated everyone. My husband and my family . Yes my family , I did. But I am still a good wife to my care taker man to say. I never reacted when I found lip stick mark on his neck one day when he got back home so I am being a very obedient wife to him am I not keeping silent  even though I wanted to smash his head with a pan, My husband . I know how much time he spent with other good wives . But I don't want my self to be one.I neither want to suffer nor to be a curse in another woman's dreams about her husband.  I am so tried of this. Why so much suffering. Why don't people respect my feeling because am just a woman and an object to everyone.  My papa doesn't know anything. Poor man thinks his duties are over and he can now die peacefully.

Now I have decided to go away. A very far away place were nobody will know about me and my past. Am sure to die when my child is born since it won't resemble anybody related to me,  with those fair western look. It is better to live alone than live a dying life everyday with people you don't have a drop of feeling. Like the ocean now my heart feels the wave of despair, regret and some anxiety.

If only my mother was alive she would have guided me to the right way. If only my love wasn't for a coward person I wouldn't have suffered this. If only I wasn't born as a curse my life would have had another twist.Now I know why they said am Born curse. It is not for others but myself for self destruction.

Sitting in the bus now eloping with my dark secrets my pain seems to slowly fade . Let boarding this bus to another city be my boarding to a new happy life with my child. I kept a letter near the bed stand for my dear husband saying" do not hide any more sir. have a happy time with other women when I leave " . Its making me laugh on how it is going to be a slap on his face and for Papa am sure he will understand me one day.