Diane
"Justin its enough" Lindsay screamed throwing the vase on the floor. She went red with anger , shame and pain. On the other hand Justin looked frustrated and tired. The dark circles under his eyes as a proof for insomnia. He had a worn letter in his hands which he read every day. He believed that it was the only thing left for him in the whole world. Lindsay and Justin has been together for three years now and yet nothing has changed. Lindsay lived with him hoping for a new sun to rise in their relationship but things turned out in a way that she is forever stuck in the black hole ,with a dead star.
"Why are you doing this to me. I live here with a dream that one day we will marry and live happily together. But you, what are you doing reading again and again the letter left to you by that bitch who never shared any truth with you. " but before Lindsay even closed her mouth Justin lost control and slapped her right on her face.
"Never talk about her this way or I will make you regret it" he said
"Justin" she cried. " when will you ever love me , consider me for who I am and call me my name and not hers"
"I can't" he said plainly .
"And why? What is wrong with me? What is that I don't have? What makes you think am not good enough after three years of living together " she talked with tears running down her cheeks. "It is me who spent every moment with you, who cared for you, who remained truthful to you , who helped you, looked after you through all your hard times which wad caused by her . Yet you come home calling her name , you think of her when you sleep with me, buy me things she liked and not considering what I actually like."
Justin sat on the bed folding the letter neatly and keeping it inside his bed side table.
"Look at yourself, you are reduced to nothing. You don't even top in your business now , the bar everything. Am tired of this Justin, I cannot live here anymore. " Lindsay decided.
"Am sorry Lindsay but you can never be her, am so sorry " he apologized like a man with no heart not minding her tears.
" No its me who is more sorry Justin. I should have known that you can never be mine when I bargained and made offer with her for you" Justin looked shocked listening to Lindsay. He got up and walked towards her.
" offer? What the hell ? " "Justin go . Get her . " she knelt down crying on her knees while he stood dumbstruck.
"She is alive and well. She is in Seattle, she is working as a librarian ." Justin controlled his anger clenching his teeth .
" why didn't you tell me before, then why did you let me suffer when you loved me as you claim?" His hands itched to hit her.
"Its not true what she wrote in the letter. We have known each other since childhood" she confessed weeping. As Justin heard more he got much angrier and felt like one who has been cheated and made loser in front of others. Trying to resist his temper he clenched his fists tight. He slammed the door and walked out not able to bear what she has said. But Lindsay didn't tell him the offer she made or else that would have ended in murder. Justin showered, got ready, took his passport and the letter he treasured from the draw and left the flat and Lindsay helplessly.
" Wait till I get there " Justin thought as he drove to the airport.
*****
Three years back Justin Curzon met Diane Johnson in his bar . Diane was wearing a blue jean and white T shirt, brown eyes with her caramel colored hair tied up into a knot.
"Can I get you something" a man with beard and long hair wearing baggy pants and a hat came to the counter.
" yes please. One Soda" she ordered. He stood with his mouth open for a minute.
" This is a bar , we sell beers, whiskeys, vodka, etc and you want just a soda. " he said .
" I am very well aware of that thank you but I would like a soda . " she said again going back to reading.
"ofcourse" he went towards the refrigerator and took a can of soda and walked back.
" Why are you here if you don't wanna drink anything else" .
" I like the ambience here" she said and he bursted with laughter . She gave a hard piercing look and he stopped . "sorry" .
"May be I should complain the owner about the bar tender who doesn't treat his customers well" she said sipping the soda.
"oh am not the bar tender" he said very casually .
"Then Who are you?" she questioned him keeping the book in her bag.
"Err the owner" he answered and this time she Laughed out loud and he gave a warning look.
" Sorry who?" She asked again. " I own this place" he said patiently. "okay" she accepted in the same manner controlling her laughter. What's your name? He asked her " Diane Johnson, You? " .
" Justin " " Just Justin " she teased " Curzon. Justin Curzon. So what do you do? "
"Oh am a student . Post Graduation 😊"
"How old are you?" He asked Diane surprising her
"You wanna know my age? Like how old I am ? Ok how old are you mister"
" 27" he said openly
"Wooh you look 35" she spat the words before she could control her mouth. He looked shocked
" Do I?"
" Am so sorry I didn't mean it. I mean . Sorry" she apologized " your beard and hair was all so confusing and" she paused embarrassed " sorry" .
" That's fine, everybody say that" he said
" Do they ? Sorry." She took her books, collected her bag getting up. " I got some work. Bye" she easily slipped off the bar shamed. But the comment went deep into Justin's mind. He watched her until she disappeared from his sight. That night Justin stood in front of the mirror in his hall sized washroom looking at himself. He never cared before on his looks or being well dressed . He had always broke up with everyone who tried changing him specially women. But something seemed different with the girl who came for a soda in the bar. Its was true. It was not just what she had said but there was something else that caught him . Diane went to the bar two days later and took a seat in a corner satisfied to not have Justin around in the bar. After the search she took a deep breath and turned back to her duty when she noticed someone sitting opposite her .
" Justin hello" her voice trailed off embarrassment made her flush red as he sat smiling. There was a change in him that shocked her the most.
" you caught me off guard any way where is your beard ? " she asked him. At the same time he ordered two sodas and a beer to the table.
" Trimmed. Ok now do I look 35? " " Justin no am sorry I didn't"
" hush" he stopped her
"ok "
" Now say it . Be frank. I like that " he said
" very frank ?"
"Yes"
"You look may be 33 now " she told him closely looking at him. His gray eyes and dark hair, his well fit body under the wrong sized t shirts. She looked away.
" huh ! Still. Hmm. " he murmured.
" Hey can I ask you something? "
" Sure "
" If you are looking for a change in you may be I can help you .
" he looked up raising his brows
" like "
" Trust me I can change you. " she promised. "Deal"
"Deal" he agreed ' no what ' his inner voice questioned him for agreeing with Diane . 'What is happening she some girl whom you dunno at all ' the voice screamed inside his head.
" Meet me on Saturday in the mall by 3 in the noon. Hope you will be free " she made the plan .
" I will make it free. See you then." He got up and left the table .
*****
Justin constantly conflicted inside his head about making such a reckless decision put forward by a silly girl.' Don't go. don't go ' his mind kept saying. But his heart made him get ready fast . He put on a corduroy trousers and black shirt all wrinkled. For a moment he wished she wouldn't be there waiting for him as he got out of his Porsche . But she was there already waiting there and he was easily able to trace her in middle of the crowd. He felt silly about himself.
" Hello" she greeted him . " for a moment I thought I would back to hostel embarrassed and fooled thinking that you wouldn't show up. Thanks for saving " he made no comments but smiled noticing the faded shorts she is wearing showing off her slender legs and a pale yellow top . Her hair tied loose into a pony. She had only a small leather side bag which probably would only contain a purse and her mobile phone by the way it hanged in her shoulder.
" Took your credit card ?"
" what ?"
" Nothing . Today's activity involves spending little money hope you have them!" She said
" I have enough to buy this town . Tell me what your plan is?" He kept asking her curiously .
" I like showing better than saying. Come " she dragged him along with her all over the mall from shops to shops buying him new clothes of right size and shades. She bought him some well tailored suits, some jeans and t shirts. Some shirts different shades of blue , white and black then some casual colors.she chose some high quality leather jackets for him in black and brown shades. She took to the shoe stores and bought him some boots and other kinds and never asked whether he liked it or not. All the time with her Justin spend time looking at her than choosing stuffs for himself. He began to like the way she laughed , her taste in stuffs, her sense of humor , the changes of expression in her face from time to time. Everything seems to interest Justin more and more. But little did he knew about what was happening inside her. In the end, they reached men's saloon. The expensive one in the town where the high society went. The stylist and Diane stood looking at him thinking of what style might sit him.Diane Googled some of the pictures of the actors . Later after all the confusion she ordered the stylist " give him the Zayn Malik style of hair " Justin made no comments and had no idea who Zayn Malik was. Diane sat there observing Justin and smiling to herself pretending to read magazines and chat in the phone After what seemed like an hour finally it was done. But his beard was still there.
" shave that off " she said which made Justin amused.
" What?" She snapped and he shook his head. Thirty minutes later after all the things a new man appeared in front of Diane someone she couldn't recognize , someone she never imagined would be such a handsome man inside those forest of hairs . With those black jean and the dark blue shirt she made him put on with the matching loafers she stood with her heart in her mouth.
" Wow" that was she managed to say
" What?" He asked " Well how do I look ?"
" You look 25 holy cow " he smiled at her and looked at himself in the mirror. ' not bad ' his inner voice said. But Diane's inner voice screamed in her head. ' don't ever meet him again' but she with the great shield kept smiling
" shall we go then. Mission accomplished" .
" am damn hungry lets grab something to eat" he put forward an idea decently trying to nicely take her out.
" Am fine thanks. I will go home I guess." She protested He shook his head.
" No . I know how exhausted we both are from shopping lets go" But that was not at all a good idea for Diane. "What will I eat. Surely not things that would go against" but he stopped his car in front of a good italian restaurant . " Salads is fine with me" she ordered hers.
" am on a special diet Justin , that's why sticking around with salad. "
he didn't question her further but spend a really good time with her talking for hours about his business bar business and how he is thinking of starting branches , her studies, hostel etc. That night after dropping Diane off in her hostel , Justin had a sleepless night while Diane slept peacefully without wetting her pillow crying out all her fears.
*****
Two months passed off without a day Justin and Diane meeting. They seemed to share nothing in common from music to food yet both got along each other well . Diane always disappeared three days at the end of every month to her aunts home . Every time Justin tried to get close with her , Diane found one way or other to maintain a little gap between them controlling limiting the relationship only to friendship. One morning there was a knock on her door . To her surprise it was Lindsay her only best friend in her life. She hugged her and invited Lindsay in to her room. "Elena I came to tell you something." Lindsay spoke. And Diane waited for her to break the news.
" I moved to this town. You need not stay in hostel ."
" you kidding me?"
" No, " Dad said it will be easy for him to come and see you and for your parents to visit too." Diane stood smiling. They jumped and hugged each other again laughing loud with excitement . It was the first time they are going to be together for 24 hours under the same roof away from home. A week later Diane was not in hostel anymore. She moved in with Lindsay one street away from Justin's place. She invited him home.
" who is she " Justin enquired about Lindsay as he got in.
"I met her in this town when I went to the library she just got to town and said she wouldn't mind a roommate. " Diane lied instantly which made Lindsay shocked and smiled uneasily . He shook hands with her and spend the rest of the time with Diane never taking his eyes off her. Something made Lindsay go crazy about him with butterflies in her stomach. As day went she got jealous seeing Justin giving so much importance to Diane.
" What ever is your plan Elena ? You seem serious with him. Do you want me to remind you of things you already know and save you from miseries or would you remember and handle it yourself" Lindsay got angry.
" Justin and I are good friends if that is what you are wondering about. " Diane assured her.
" I don't see him seeing you that way " Lindsay started arguing.
" look at you. You look weak , you are skipping your check ups with dad and he gave me couple of advices to look after you. You are worrying your parents and you are going against your diet as I can see ." She pointed out everything.
" Am not weak Lindsay. Infact am happier now . I am totally fine" she defended herself.
" Then why are you lying to him about me, you and everything? " " Because you know I wanted to be all myself as a whole new person. Its a part of that"
" you're not even being faithful to him" Lindsay spoke with harsh words. Diane went speechless with this, tears once again whelmed her eyes.
*****
Weeks passed and Lindsay showed greater disinterest in the matter of Justin and Diane spending time together, going out for dinner and his bar. Forcefully Lindsay took Diane home couple of times and to her dad. On their drive back home Lindsay asked her
" Are you in love ?" Diane was shocked to here such a thing from Lindsay. She didn't respond because she had known the answer for more than a month now .
" Do you really wanna ruin his life giving your heart to him and taking his away forever ?" Lindsay spoke heartlessly to her . But it was the truth . Tears streamed down Diane's eyes. Do I even have one She thought cursing herself.
" Remember what dad has told you Diane please" Lindsay begged her. For next two days Diane listening to Lindsay didn't return Justin's calls and texts which made him worried more. Third day morning after Lindsay leaving for her work Justin appeared knocking on the door. Not minding the rules she made Diane gladly let her Justin Inside and buried herself in to his arms happy to see him. Kissing her hair she pulled him throwing all his questions and worries at her.
" Why didn't return my calls. I got worried whether you were ok after the ride you went with your roommate or not "
" I am fine Jesus." She laughed" I had loads of work shits to complete. College stuffs. " She lied easily and made Justin believe as usual . Just nodded and her hugged her again.
" I missed you"
" Me too " she managed to say with a lump in her throat. Thus the meeting and the dates began once again and Lindsay was back in anger.
" Stop acting like a sister Lindsay" Diane shouted back to Lindsay when she was getting to go out with Justin to a beach . Lindsay was horrified on what Diane had said. In silence she watched Diane leave with the only handsome guy in the whole world.
" Its wonderful isn't it, the sea." Justin said.
" yes" Diane agreed with him. Diane was dreading inside the whole evening trying to open up to Justin.
" I gotta tell you something"
" look at that" he interrupted in between pointing out to a couple who looked like high school kids . " soon they are going to make love in the beach good heavens get a room. " Diane laughed.
" seriously the kids are losing their virginity in very smaller age now " Justin said .
" what age did you loose yours? " she questioned him.
"18" he replied without hesitation " you ?" Diane didn't expect him to ask that. She had no idea what to tell him or how to tell him.
" well " she hesitated
" What? Like 18 or 20 " but she shook her head.
"23?" She shook her head again. " no . No way. You are 25 right. And still oh my god " she nodded this time blushing.
" Why? But u look like"
" Like a girl who lost her virginity when she was 15. No Justin. Not me. "
" But you do hang out with people as you have said"
" Because I hang out with friends does that like Is it necessary to lose virginity . God I hate this. " she said sarcastically And he flushed .
*****
Diane skipped a couple of check ups again stealing those times with Justin. She knew she was getting weaker fearing that she made up her mind to have a blast in her life. She had forgot to go to drugstore previous day with her prescription and asked Lindsay to get them. Lindsay's dad was not free to visit them which made things worse. Lindsay and Diane started to have some sort of distance between them. One evening after Lindsay left to meet her friends back home and hang out with them , Diane invited Justin home for dinner. Flying in romance she created a very romantic atmosphere around the room with candles and flowers. She cooked his favorite meals and roasted chicken and some apple tarts and little champagne for their dinner. This was all restricted for Diane.
" wow" Justin said has they sat for the dinner.
" You look beautiful" he complimented her. She was wearing a little black dress with a wide neck putting up her hair .
" I have something for you" he took out a small blue box and pushed it towards her side of the table
" what is it?" She asked in surprise and opened it. It was a chain with a shining single stone pendant. Diane's heart started to pound louder as she saw it. He slowly got up from the seat and moved towards her putting the chain around her neck. Her skin burned where Justin's fingers touched her neck. Hiding her feeling she sat smiling holding back her tears strongly. She got up and stood facing him closely. They stood staring into each other.
" how long are you going to ignore my feelings for you?" He asked her his heart filled with hope. Diane stood silently closing her eyes leaning her head on his. " As long as you stand like a fool not feeling the feelings I have for you" Diane confessed at last with pain killing her inside. She knew she has now made a big mistake. She could sense the smile on his face . They were already into deep . Justin touched her lips with his slowly kissing her for the first time in their six months of relationship. Diane was enthralled by her first kiss and they both knew it wasn't going to end them. He lifted her in his arms and walked towards her room. Deep inside even though Diane felt happy she knew she wasn't supposed to do everything that has taken place in the few hours . Yet she made up her mind to break rules that meant her life. She slept happily beside Justin that night without nightmares and her fears about life and death. She woke up that morning tired and ill. It was 9 and the Sun was up bright as ever. She couldn't lift her head off her pillow. She remembered that she forgot to take the pills last night too. She understood what has happened to her and what is going to happen further. She reached for the table. Justin was no where to be seen . He would have left to open the bar. She found a note on the table and read it.
Dearest Diane
I had the best time in my life . I will be back. Couldn't wake you up from your peaceful sleep. Made some coffee and has kept in the table.
Love you.. X 😊❤
Yours, Justin 😊!
Diane started crying cursing her . " Why can't I have normal life ? Please god " she begged. She slowly got out of bed dressing up and called Lindsay.
" Am sick. It's urgent " she told Diane and hung up. Lindsay hurried home and found Diane in a pathetic condition. Weak and dangerously sick.
" I have already informed dad and your parents and I have a news for you" she said Not able to react back Diane laid silently in the bed.
" No , no you didn't. Diane how could you. Diane you knew you were strictly prohibited from any sort of physical relationship. What have you done. " she raised and got more irritated. Diane cried silently.
" Listen to me I have to got to tell you this. Dad has a donor. Your surgery can be done. Both your heart kidney transplanted. But you know it is going to coat you hell. " Diane nodded.
" but your parents are willing to go forward with it. Dad said it is going to be an experiment. May be successful or may be not" Lindsay paused.
"But I can help you with this" Diane looked into Lindsay's face. " I will ask dad to do you favor with the bills of the surgeries. May be free. But you have got to give me one thing that belongs to you" Lindsay made an offer. Diane looked at her weakly thinking what point she is making tears prickling down her cheeks. " Give me Justin and you can survive " Lindsay made a life and death offer and Diane was shocked to hear this from her only best friend.
" how cheap" that was all Diane said .
" I have already talked with your parents . They agreed . Think of them . They live for you . Now decide. " Diane cried harder than ever.
*****
Dear Justin ,
It was the best day of my life too that I would cherish until my death or may be even after. But I always wanted to tell you something which we never got time to discuss about. Infact it is more about me. My name is not Diane Johnson. I do have family. I lied to you about everything and I feel so much ashamed. Please forgive me. There is a reason why I did this. Let me start with this. I am Elena Johnson. Am 25 as I told you. I was not visiting my aunt when I left at the end of the months. I am sick. I have kidney dysfunction and cardiac problem. I was restricted by my doctor From having too much of sadness and excitement for my heart. I was on diet because I am not supposed to load my kidney with duty. I went for regular check ups and dialysis every end of the month . I was strictly forbidden from falling in love , breaking my heart and die sooner.That is why I was virgin and had my first kiss with you. Last night was another breaking of the rule. I was restrained from this too. I skipped couple of my treatments and had foods and drinks am not supposed to. I skipped my medicines too and that is why now am sick and leaving you. I have dreams too. To marry , to have children but I wouldn't even live that long. I wanted to have a peaceful life on my own before the end. That is what this disguise was all about and am deeply sorry. This is why I never showed you my feelings for you. But now I can never seem get enough nor forget you. I love you and we both know it well. I tried controlling me. But I couldn't. I wished so much to have a normal life. You may wonder why I speak like no options. Yes I do not have options. Transplantation is possible but not sure in my case and has not got a matching donors yet for both my organs. I broke rules because I wanted to experience everything when I knew I cannot control my feelings for you anymore. I am not going to tell you where I am going nor tell my room mate Lindsay about it. You cannot find me out. I know you will come for me but please don't because this time am going to hospital and never going to return back home home. By the you find me I will cold in my grave. Forgive me for all the pain. But I will love you forever. There is somebody else who loves you and accidentally confessed to me not being aware of what was going on between us . Lindsay. Consider her feelings . Please.
Yours Diane.
*****
Justin read letter again on flight and understood that the last part of the letter has actually been forced. But he wasn't aware of the dirty offer Lindsay made. He reached Seattle and took the cab to the library Lindsay had given the address off. His heart was pounding louder than ever. He felt alive for the first time in three years. He rushed inside the library and talked to the librarian.
" She is out for lunch. She will be back soon. " the lady said. Justin was in the point of loosing his patients. The other employers were getting back into their works on time except Diane. He waited for an hour there counting each second as the needle moved the clock. He walked restless inside and asked the lady again.
" Patient son. Wait for a few minute." She smiled.
" I did for three long years,not anymore " he snapped . Not before he completed his words someone walked past them. "There she is" the lady said.
" Hey Elena come here " Diane turned to her and stood like lighting struck her. She saw him. She didn't move. Her eyes fixed on his. For a moment she shivered with astonishment. Justin walked over to her . They both stood looking at each other for a moment. Justin gave a straight slap on her face which was unexpected for her. But she still didn't move instead accepted her for her cowardice activity.
" couldn't at least let me know once huh. Thought you were dead for past three years " he shouted
" Tried finding you but couldn't and got convinced to what Lindsay said about you."
" Am sorry. I had to think of my Parents and The financial background that is why I did it. There was no other option than accept what Lindsay out forward. " but she didn't knew that Lindsay had not exactly told him what the offer was .
" hey mister" the lady shouted .
" I will deal with her later" Justin said and soon lifted her and crashed his lips on her showing his love and hunger for her over the past three years . She reacted back this time.
" okay , Elena take leave for couple of days and try not this again in the library if you want this job. " librarian said .
" I fucking don't want this job anymore" she said catching her breath.
" how are you ?" he asked their way back home " Better than ever. No more fear of death and life. Given all the rights to live how ever I like . All the tests passed. 😊 Transplantation is successful. I do check ups once in four months now. " she assured him. He never cared to ask Lindsay or her father after he had left before Lindsay gave anymore further detail.
" uh and am allowed to have my own family too " she reminded him. He carried her into her apartment not letting her down for a moment after he met her. Two weeks later they got married in a church with a small ceremony with just his and her family. Lindsay attended too. They lived happily then . He called her as Diane itself .An year later they had a baby boy. They named him Harry Curzon . Never did Justin leave Diane for a single day. And for Lindsay she got hold of a rich guy and married him off living peacefully forgetting the past. *****
